I had an amazing experience last night. There is a guy whom I was really interested in at the beginning of this year. He was cold, unemotional and very distant. We maintained our friendship and we are friends to this day. Last night I got to know him as he told me his story as to why he is the way he is. It is a story he hasn’t told anyone and I am privileged to learn more about him and the reasons why he is the way he is.
What he told me has kind of affected me in a good way and made me think about the nature of relationships a lot more than ever before. I have recently ended a relationship and the way I ended it was the way I deal with everything that effects me: cold and calculating. I have a deep fear of getting hurt and if this threat comes close I tend to cut and run. It is not the most healthy thing in the world but it is what I have done for most of my life.
I told him last night that “you should try to trust another, and dare to revel a bit more of yourself to someone.” It is advice I have given a lot but never have taken. I have been told repeatedly that I have some kind of detachment with people. It is almost a fear of them getting too close to me. It is something I have always been aware of and have never made any moves to change. Maybe that is why I alone. I don’t know.
It just makes me think.